I was reading a blog post today on VickiesIckies (a great blog by the way) about how some parents bring cupcakes to school for birthday celebrations which the kids with food allergies cannot eat leaving them excluded from the celebration. Sometimes the treat is brought at the last minute or without being the teacher’s prior knowledge leaving the parent of the allergic child little or no time to bring a substitute treat. The school’s answer was, “the allergic child needs to learn to deal with it”. I starting thinking about how amazing it has been in our experience (and perhaps in yours too) that kids are often much more compassionate than adults about another child’s food allergy.
For example, my daughter has a friend who became upset with her father (a good friend by the way who shared this story with us) for eating peanuts in the car because she was worried that our daughter might accidentally be exposed to the peanuts during a carpool sometime in the future. The 8-year old girl became so insistent that her father eventually pulled over and threw away his peanuts. When our child was much younger her preschool teacher once told me that from time to time, parents would send in peanut butter into their nut free classroom and the children would immediately take the “offending item” directly from their lunchboxes to the teacher saying, “I can’t have this here”. These children were three! We have heard parents tell us that their kids did not want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch because they would be playing with our kids later in the day. Maybe we are just fortunate that we have sweet friends, but I think there is something more to it than that.
I think kids are generally concerned about their food allergic friends because they love them and don’t want them to be hurt. Avoiding a particular food around their food allergic friend is their way of showing them that they love them. Parents sometimes, myself included, often look for the most convenient course of action. I will say, we are very blessed to have many adult friends that frequently bend over backwards and go far beyond the call of duty to accommodate our kids’ food allergies at their parties, for soccer snacks, etc. But, we are wondering if you have had the same experience with kids showing great compassion as it relates to your child’s food allergy?
I had a similar experience just last evening. My daughter was invited to a friend’s house for a sleepover this coming weekend. The other mom and I were discussing my daughter’s allergy, and the mom was saying that they would be very careful about exposeure to peanuts, read all labels, and even put all of the items that contained peanuts or had been processed in the same factory with peanuts, etc. out in the garage. I overheard my daughter’s friend say in the background “Mom we also have to wash my sheets and comforter and clean all fo the doorknobs and the kitchen before she comes over.” I agree, kids are very compassionate and we are blessed to have such thoughtful friends.
I hear ya! In preschool, a friend (and her twin sister) of my daughter’s went to Disney. On the plane ride she threw a fit because even though she was told the seat was cleaned she found a peanut in between the seat cushions. She yelled out loud that if V was there, she could get very sick and demanded an explanation as to why there was a peanut if it was suppose to be cleaned! All this out of a preschool friend!
Kids are more accepting of differences when younger. I think it’s when they reach pre-teen stages that differences (of any kind) becomes an issue. Thus the risk taking behaviors for our food allergic kids. In the FAAN conference i learned that 30% of kids between the ages of 13-21 knowingly eat their allergen to fit in because they fear social isolation more than death. Puts it all into perspective that we must be fair to our kids w/FA and not let them feel any different while young. This is why I advocate inclusion in the school systems.
Oops! In my last comment I posted that only 30% off teens ate their allergens knowingly. The statistic is actually 54% of teens.